so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
