My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
