hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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