apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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