Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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