Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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