I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
