The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
