Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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