i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
