This dress was meant to end up on your floor
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
