your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
