He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
