Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
