I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
