***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
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