I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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