And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize
