Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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