so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
