he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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