the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
