I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
