I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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