I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I know her cup size but not her name....
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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