I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
