Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize