Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
