Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
