Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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