I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
