plz talk dirty to me
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
