dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Randomize
