Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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