You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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