I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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