Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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