I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I am naked and annoyed.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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