He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
