If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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