if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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