You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
