we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
