No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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