I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
even my farts smell like vagina
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
