that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
