I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
