Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
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