sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
