I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
