He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
