It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
