I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
