i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
