did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Randomize
