im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You left your underwear on the fireplace
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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