I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
