Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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