Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
