I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
