someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
