How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
