Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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