how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
