i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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