you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Alive.
So much puke
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
