If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
