You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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