No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
