Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
