sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
