i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
