What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
