Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Drunk is not a location!
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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