i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
