What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
