So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
