dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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